


The Adventures of Jensen and LJ

by Kellygirl



Category: Losers - Fandom
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-05
Updated: 2012-02-05
Packaged: 2017-10-30 16:52:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/333937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kellygirl/pseuds/Kellygirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen gets advice from the unlikeliest place</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventures of Jensen and LJ

Jensen was sprawled on the surprisingly comfortable couch when something woke him. Some small movement, a twitch. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes before looking around. He was alone in the living room and the television was on some infomercial that kept insisting he needed the Body by Jake training system right now or he’d regret it forever. He had no clue where the other guys were.

Jensen froze as his body twitched again. Or rather a certain part of his body. When a muffled noise came from his pants, Jensen slowly unzipped them and stared in stupefied horror at his dick. It was hard and swaying around like some snake listening to a swami’s music.

Then his dick spoke.

“We need to talk.”

Jensen rubbed his eyes again and pinched his arm. Hard. He yelped and stared at his penis. It didn’t have eyes but he could tell it was staring at him, waiting.

“Did you just talk to me?”

His dick sighed like Jensen was a little slow. The hole on the top of his dick moved again.

“I did.”

Jensen bit his bottom lip. “So now my cock is talking to me?”

His dick looked sad. Jensen didn’t know how it could look sad, but it did.

“I though you would be more accepting of this.”

Jensen’s eyes widened. “Of what? Talking dicks? I must be dreaming or the guys have pumped in some sort of psychotropic drug.” He looked around wildly. “Maybe Cougar drugged my Cheetos.”

His dick tapped him lightly on his stomach as if to remind him that his dick was still there. Like Jensen could forget the talking cock that was his manhood. “Speaking of Cougar.”

Jensen tried to focus but he felt like he was in shock. “What about Cougar?”

His dick looked earnest like it was about to try and sell him something. “He likes you. You should go for it.”

Jensen scratched his head. “Go for it?”

The head of his dick nodded. “Yes. Kiss him. He wants you to.”

Jensen leaned down to get his laptop. “This is too fucking freaky. My dick is giving me advice about my best friend.”

His dick tapped him on the stomach again. “You can call me LJ for Little Jensen, since your second most important body part should have a name.”

Jensen did a little jazz hands thing. “Are these number one?”

LJ didn’t have eyes but if he did, he would have rolled them. “Please. If something happened to your hands, your brain would find a way to get substitutes.”

Jensen laughed. “Yeah, it probably could figure something out finger wise.”

LJ kind of shrugged. It was a weird feeling though really there was nothing about this that was not weird.

“Let’s get back to Cougar. You should invite him out for drinks. No, wait. You should make him something, something good. Then get some wine and candles. It’ll let him know you’re serious.”

Jensen frowned. “I don’t think Cougar is into the whole wine and candles thing. Maybe I should just buy him a new gun or something.”

LJ paused his slow swaying as if he were thinking as hard as Jensen. Jensen giggled to himself. Heh, hard.

LJ perked up. “I know! Put his favorite movie on, get out the liquor, and fix him a steak. On second thought, order out. This is too important to risk a kitchen fire.”

Jensen pouted. “That happened one time when I was 14! I can cook a fucking steak, okay?”

LJ seemed to study him. “Okay, but don’t fuck it up. I really want this to work.”

Jensen nodded, still in disbelief as he and his dick, oh excuse me, LJ, discussed plans on how to catch a Cougar.

Two nights later there was steak, some top shelf tequila, and 2001’s ‘Rat Race.’ Cougar seemed at times amused, fond and contemplative, but he went along with it. When the credits rolled and Smash Mouth played loudly, Jensen leaned over and kissed his best friend.

Through all the planning and discussion with LJ, Jensen had never really questioned if he wanted Cougar. When they kissed, Jensen felt like a light bulb had just turned on over his head. Of course if LJ wanted Cougar, then Jensen did too. The whole talking dick thing had probably been some sort of deep trance or a dream state, like in Inception, that helped him come to terms with his subconscious desire to strip his bestie naked and ride him like a mechanical bull.

Two very well spent hours later, Jensen woke out of a half doze, Cougar snoring softly beside him. LJ was tapping Jensen’s stomach. He stopped when Jensen blinked blearily at him. Then he whispered loud enough to make Cougar mumble and snore louder.

“LC wants a hat. We should get him one.”

The End 


End file.
